An Authentic Faith Is A Messy Faith
There have been a slew of recent evangelical scandals that have rocked the faith community. I know I’ve been saddened to see many respected names fall from public grace. Spending years living a double life, lying to so many. Maybe the reason this problem is so pervasive is a lack of transparency in the church. This also happens to be one of the largest issues that ‘de-churched’ people like me have. Often, we say things like ‘the church is full of hypocrites’. Of course, this is a somewhat judgemental statement, not everyone in the church is a hypocrite. Far from it, most are deeply sincere. There are countless churches that have never been racked by terrible scandals. Even in these places there is still inauthenticity in our faith and lives.
Confession is a Biblical concept we don’t talk about much these days. Why would we? We are supposed to be a light to the world, right? There’s this idea we all have that if we show the world the messier sides we have, then maybe this de-legitimizes our message. Instead we show everyone these carefully curated images of ourselves. Unfortunately this has resulted in making so many like me feel left out.
What if we gathered each week to confess to one another? Our of our fears, struggles, and doubts. What if we stopped trying so hard to be someone or something that we aren’t? I know that for me I had all kinds of things I went through, and there was no one in the church I could turn to. For the longest time I thought I was all on my own, some sort of spiritual outcast. It took years for me to realize that I am not alone; there are so many just like me. Why are we so afraid to show the world who we are?
My Confession Experience
Let’s face facts, nobody really wants to confess their sins and failures. It’s hard for me to do that. The thing is, we can’t afford to ignore recent examples from men like Steve Lawson. Not admitting our failures and mistakes can eventually lead to deceit. I know that’s happened to me more times than I care to count. Without ever intending to, I end up in a terrible cycle where I try to cover up my failures, and somehow it ends up even worse than before. I did that recently, in fact, and believe me; it wreaked havoc on my spiritual and personal life. So I confessed, and I didn’t enjoy the experience. It made me feel weak and helpless, which I truly hate. I felt worthless and inadequate, but it had to be done. Through that act, I was able o finally make peace and begin the (sometimes long and arduous) path to redemption.
We don’t talk enough about this, because it means admitting that we don’t have it all together. It would mean admitting that we are still growing, and that we don’t have all the answers. Sadly, this isn’t tolerated in the church today. We have to have all the answers, and present this shiny, happy, fake image of ourselves to the world. We might think we are doing good, but we really aren’t. If anything we’re hurting ourselves, and the message. It can even hurt members of our own spiritual family as well. If someone is struggling, then where in our oh-so-perfect church circles do we turn when we have failed?
I’m not bashing anyone, I’m really not. I still have my own life to sort out. In trying to explain to others what de-churched means, I have to talk about stuff like this. Because no one else is.
I have been to church most of my life , but it wasn’t until recently that I realized the true purpose of going to church but it’s not what you think. I figured out that the church is kinda like a large group like a government that tries to help us, called ‘good ones,’ and the others who want to control us called the ‘bad ones’. Like you have the good with the bad, know what i mean? The good ones in the church are generally good, but hey, like nobody’s perfect. I mean, yeah some of the (good ones) may have rotten behavior like being billy bible on sundays and a peeping tom when nobody’s watching, but never the perv that actually will take action on little kids. Then you have the (bad ones) in the church that want to control us and be like do as I say or like whatever. And don’t get me started on the really bad ones that will totally take advantage of you, like seriously you know what I mean? Like I know that i’m totally not perfectly clean, or else i wouldn’t not need grace, cause i be needin that grace, you know? We are all under grace, but don’t get me wrong, i do put up the effort. I try as best as i can, but I’m not like a legalist or anything. We are all sinners and always will be and that’s like cool and all, but i’m not one of the bad ones either, so keep the judgment card in thy pocket all holier than tho. I’m just a normal person that is loved beyond measure and i claim to grace, like you know what i mean? We can all have grace, we are all trying to figure this thing out. So the real reason for church is to show us all that we are a messed up people that’s just trying to get things right and we can all do this together as one body, like we need each other and help one another to do life. You should never judge because only the bad ones do that. We are all sinners under grace. We are not perfect and never will be and you should never beat yourself up for your sin and imperfections, and that’s what i love about my church, no judgy and no condemnation. I do doubt my salvation like a lot, and I have lots of crazy anxiety about it sometimes. But then i’m reminded that we are all sinners are all on the way to the same elevation, like if you have grace then you are going to heaven!
This is a theologically tricky situation isn’t it? On the one hand we are clearly called to live like Jesus and He calls us to a better way of living, to show mercy, compassion and obedience. On the other hand, there are many who say it doesn’t matter how we live, since no one is perfect, so why even bother? Where the church has gone hopelessly wrong is in diving everyone into two camps; 1 – those who claim to be ‘obedient’ but usually just means KJV only, only vote for Repubicans (independantly of whether the Republicans are living like Jesus) and a bunch of meaningless rules. Or 2 – those who don’t even bother trying to live better. This cannot be authentic faith in Jesus, something needs to change.